How are you feeling today? Hope you’re holding on. Firstly, I need you to know how much you are loved and how much you matter to the people around you. I know you feel like all the weight of the world is on your shoulders (must be about a million pounds) but I also need you to know that you are not alone. We keep asking you why you metamorphosed as much as you did but what we fail to comprehend is how broken you got during this transition.Why did you change? Why does anybody change?I have often asked myself that question and still find it somewhat unanswerable. But there’s always a reason behind everything, right?
A girl from my college recently killed herself and she was described to be one of the most jovial people.She had never spoken to anybody about her personal life so nobody really knows why she did what she did.All I can say is that I wish she had spoken to somebody. Maybe she would still be here today if she did. This incident provoked me to think about the vast multitude of people who hide their feelings because they feel ashamed to share it with people and then end up getting depressed and hurting themselves. You are one of them.
I have seen you change from the most tender human being to one of the harshest. Sometimes I think that you conceal your emotions or maybe you have ceased to have any. You toughened up because you think that is the only thing that can prevent you from getting hurt and maybe, that’s true in a way, but what you don’t realize is how much damage you are actually causing to yourself in that process. Depression is not only about being sad all the time. It involves a plethora of emotions like anxiety, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, irritability, rejection anger and grief. I know it becomes too difficult to handle all these emotions all at once so you just end up bottling everything up as a way to escape because that always seems like the easier way out. I know you don’t come of your shell because of the fear of getting laughed at and being called mad. Your parents too prefer remain mum dreading rejection by the society. I know now why you hurt yourself. When the emotional pain becomes too much to handle you inflict upon yourself physical pain as a means of distraction from the whirlpool of uncontrollable emotions within. It’s not your fault. You really can’t help it. You expect your family and friends to help but when that door closes too you turn to society as a last gasp of breath but unfortunately, there too you are turned away. I remember being depressed and having no one to turn to. People who I spoke to didn’t understand and people who I thought would understand didn’t have the time to listen. Luckily I got out of that phase without help. But I know you are still stuck there. Just working your ass away to avert facing your emotions. Maybe that’s the only thing that keeps you sane, at least temporarily. You try your best to put on a facade but deep down I know you’re hurting. People say that when you hurt yourself, you hurt all those who love you but I won’t say that and hope to make you carry on, I know you can’t handle that kind of pressure. You want to vent so bad that you can’t help shutting down, and that’s okay. You harden up till the pain gets unbearable and then you break.
And if you are a man, do not be afraid to cry. There is no one in this world who is your kind of special so if crying gives you the power to ease your burden and live on, so be it. It does not make you any less masculine, in fact it keeps you sane and sensitive which, believe you me, is very necessary to maintain healthy relationships.
I was told that change is the only constant in life. But lately I am pretty much tired of change. I crave stability. Someone that I can turn to and I know they won’t let me down because that is just how much I trust them. I think we all deserve that person,that non-judgmental everlasting rock of support. And I want to be that rock for you forever and always. You just have to let me in.